Why I Write

Thank you to the lovely Kay Jaybee, for first hosting this interview.

 

I want. I want. I want so many things.

I want to explore what might be or might have been.

I want to rewrite the past and create whatever future I choose.

I want to reshape ‘the truth’, to view the world from inside other skins.

 

Emmanuelle de Maupassant quoteAs Sylvia Plath said: ‘I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life.’

Like many writers (I suspect), I have a laptop stuffed with snatches of writing and story outlines, ideas I’ve been exploring, thoughts I’ve spilled out, tens of thousands of words as yet unseen. Some of my most brutal writing is there: my resentments; the pain scraped from my bones and the pit of my belly; desire pushed from the slow ache of my cunt.

When you write from that deep place it changes you; all the creatures from your dark corners come creeping out.

It’s damn liberating!

When I write, I don’t need to hold back. The greatest challenge is only that I be honest with myself, writing what I want to rather than what someone else might think I should be writing.

Cautionary Tales Emmanuelle de Maupassant quoteI’m often asked why I don’t write a ‘real’ book (in other words, one that doesn’t include sex). Bizarrely, exploring sexuality and desire on the page isn’t celebrated in the same way as the exploration of other human themes, such as grief or unrequited love. No matter that literature exploring sexuality often does so in the context of far wider human experience. Think of Jeanette Winterson and Fay Weldon; they cover it all. They aren’t looking to someone else for permission as to what they write.

There are things that won’t let me rest, themes I keep returning to, unpicking the knots. For me, it’s the desire for freedom, to be less constrained by social conventions, to speak my mind, and to speak the truth of my body too.

Other authors’ works which draw me back time and again explore, overtly or covertly, the themes of madness and imprisonment: as in Sarah Waters’ Affinity, Fingersmith and Little Stranger, in Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights and the novels of Wilkie Collins. What is it to be ‘mad’ and are our minds ever ‘free’? Angela Carter and Michel Faber, in their gorgeously rich prose, tackle these themes too.

In my case, this search for freedom has led me towards the erotic genre.

When I began, I remember feeling as if I were hacking off the outer layers of myself.

Emmanuelle de Maupassant quote - Twitter sizedIt felt dangerous. I was standing on a cliff edge, and that sense of stepping off the precipice made me feel sick, but also elated. I felt alive. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to turn back, because how can you when you’ve tasted freedom?

You’re pulling the words from where they resist being found but if you lock them away, they’ll squash the life out of you.

Everything I write draws on something from within myself. Yes, it’s fiction, but the heart of the story always reveals my preoccupations. My fears prowl the pages, as well as my fantasies.

As Lidia Yuknavitch says: ‘What is underneath what you want? And what is underneath that?’

vivid flowers with text kindleI want to explore the bittersweet; those things we rarely dare look at, feelings intense and wild and violent and unexplainable. On the page, I can play out anything my heart bird cover talesdesires, explore anything, be anything.

You may visit my author page on Amazon here

Or follow me on Facebook.

 

3 thoughts on “Why I Write

  1. Having just finished The Gentlemans Club, I am sure of one thing, Your writing style is absolutely my favorite so far. It takes me twice as long to read as it should because Ilook up your words and places makjng my trip to the “club” a private dance for sure.
    I look forward to part two in the noir series and thank you for laying the foundation for total disclaimers about marriage to a wife entitled to egalitarian position. This cuckold, entered this relationship willingly and educatedly prepared.

  2. Very well said. There’s a discovery to the process of writing. A discovery of stories within you. As you mentioned, pulling out the fears and fantasies. It’s why I go back to the well, time and again, to see what comes out.

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